Contradictio in Terminis

A Great Summary of My Life:

I am the most awkward human being to ever awkward and I don't know what I want but I'm trying to awkward and it's just not working because I'm too awkward to awkward and I JUST HAVE TOO MANY FEELS. And too much awkward.
(God, it's a good thing typing an LJ post looks cooler than writing in a diary.)

What Would [name redacted] Do?

Theoretically, the worst he can do is say "no"...
And if he says that, it's not like I'll ever see him again...
So, theoretically, no harm, no foul...
Too bad I can't convince myself of this.

;ALKDSFJ;ASLDKFA; I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL RN A;LSDKFJA;LSKDFJ

ON THE ONE HAND, I AM REALLY HAPPY BECAUSE I JUST ATE SUSHI FROM THE BLUE KITCHEN AND IT WAS LOVELY AND THE PEOPLE WERE AWESOME, AND I'M GETTING TO KNOW* THE NEW PEOPLE HERE, AND THEY SEEM REALLY NICE AND I THINK WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME TOGETHER

BUT

BUT

BUT

OTOH, TAMAS, JOANNA, AGNIESZKA, MILENA AND PAVOL ALL LEFT TODAY; ONLY FRANCOIS AND MICKEY ARE LEFT IN ALBERTINE NOW AND I AM SO SAD, AND I MISS EVERYONE WHO LEFT AND JUST WHY CAN'T THEY ALL COME BACK AND WE CAN ALL LIVE TOGETHER FOREVER SOB SOB SOB


( emotional deluge under the cut )

In Finnish: Hyvää Joulua! 

We just got back from Hanna's grandparents' place, where, in true grandparent style, we were plied with all sorts of delicious Finnish Christmas food (I took pictures of every dish - all will be up on DUTCH MY LIFE once I have access to my laptop again). We had rice porridge (delicous!) and fruit stew, pulla (little balls of sweetbread), jouluutorttu (flaky pastries filled with plum jam), taatelikakku (date cake) and rahkapulla (cream-filled sweetbread with lemon and raisins). I also learned how to say "thank you" - kiitos. 

Hanna's family was there: her siblings came with their children (adroable!). Her whole family is apparetly coming over to her house tonight, so I will get to meet even more Finnish people (and fail to communicate, due to the language barrier - but I have developed he general strategy of thanking everyone copiously and smiling all the time - seems to have worked so far...)

Can't really believe it's actually Christmas, though! I donät know where the time went! But last night, we decorated the Christmas tree, and today, we laid out the presents under it (literally a mountian of them - feels just like home!). I hope Hanna and her family like the gifts I brought- I'm thankful that the Gluhwein survived the trip here. 

Suffice to say, life is quite exciting at the moment, and I feel so lucky and blessed to be able to celebrate Christmas with Hanna and her family - not that I don't miss mine, but seriously, this is something special! :D 

HYVÄÄ JOULUA TO EVERYONE :D 

WHY IS IT 2:30 A;LSKDJFAL;SK.

ESSAYS SHOULD JUST DIE IN A FIRE RIGHT NOW. ALL AT ONCE. I just need to get this rough draft out. I just need to get this rough draft out.

(Because how else can I indulge guilt-free in the Sinterklaas party on Tuesday and - hopefully - the ESN Christmas party on Wednesday? ;p)

To Do Later Today:
- wrap Jamie's Sinterklaas present
- write the accompanying Sinterklaas poem

( #Thatawkwardmoment )

I also don't understand sentence structure or tmi. But that's the hangover talking. I need to go do work now, and then go to Zumba this evening... AND THEN BED OMG.

I still can't believe this place. I still don't understand how this - any of this - is real. I'm still grappling with the fact that with one plane trip - literally, from August 28th to August 29th - life can change so drastically. Groningen is amazing. The people I live with are amazing. Everything is amazing and I am constantly in awe (and I know, I know, give it a few weeks and see what I'm saying then, but right now I'm living in this crazy happy bubble and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.)

In the two weeks since I've been in Groningen, I've met people from all over the world. I'm making plans to visit places I've only ever known as names on a map - if that. One of my friends, Hanna, is from Finland, and has graciously mentioned invites to her home near Christmas time. Apparently they can hunt moose there by the light of the Northern lights! There are jokes going around about Oktoberfest in Munich, which I am so, so down for. It's crazy.

And that's probably the most extravagant experience for me: I am surrounded by people - and it's awesome. Over the last two weeks, I've been talking to people, connecting with them, initiating and carrying on conversations - and it's been fun! I never knew just being with people could be this enjoyable; is this what normal people feel like all the time? Even though school is already in full swing (I read three chapters of my Industrial-Organizational Psychology textbook this weekend and I have an oral presentation due on Thursday), I'm able to sit with people and just chill, relax, without stressing about projects or deadlines. I'm actively seeking social contact, which is so novel for me that I'm having a hard time believing it myself. This is so different from anything I'm used to; I smile at people in the mornings, say hi to them, even just sit quietly as they talk around me, all of us just doing our own thing - it feels like acceptance, community, and it's such a completely addictive feeling. How have I never experienced this before? It's so liberating, and I never imagined it could be like this.

P.S.: DUTCH MY LIFE

Sorry for the long absence. I AM NOW IN EUROPE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. HOW IS THIS REAL LIFE, I DO NOT EVEN.

Like, literally, I am on the intercity train towards Groningen from the Amsterdam Schiphol airport. No one is more shocked by these circumstances than I, let me tell you. I'm going to be blogging specifically about my exchange for posterity - it's called Dutch My Life, and you can bet I made really douchey self-satisfied smirks when I thought that up.

It's going to be basically like my LJ, but with way more pictures and way less ~emotions. So not actually like my LJ at all. You know you want to follow it. Come on, it'll be fun. :D