Contradictio in Terminis

This is a post all about eighteenth century French literature! Because reading Diderot is just... LOLWUT. But it is not a srs!bznz post because a) LOL THE BOOK IS WRITTEN IN FRENCH, WHAT IS THIS READING COMPREHENSION YOU SPEAK OF? and (consequently), b) my summary of the book is basically as follows: two guys ride around and talk about their sexcapades.

I REALLY ENJOYED THIS BOOK. :DDDDDD

Let the record show that: 1) If I am looking up fanfiction for Jacques le fataliste, it is only because DIDEROT TOLD ME TO. Or, rather, he was all "I DARE YOU TO DO BETTER Si vous n'êtes pas satisfait de ce que je vous révèle des amours de Jacques, lecteur, faites mieux, j'y consens." WHICH IS BASICALLY THE SAME THING.

2) "Tu es mon serviteur, quand je suis malade ou bien portant, et je suis le tien quand tu te portes mal." (p.118) ;LASKDJF;LASKDJFAS YOU GUYS WHY IS IT SO ~BROMANTIC ;ASLDKJFA;LSDF (There are other examples, but I am too lazy to type up a whole paragraph of French js.)

3)... THAT IS SOME NICE BROMANCE YOU'VE GOT GOIN' ON THERE, DIDEROT.

Jacques: Bonjour, ladies.
Look at your Maître. Now back to me. Now back à votre Maître. Et encore à moi. Malheureusement, il n'est pas moi. Mais s'il ne prendrait pas une prise de tabac en regardant l'heure qu'il est, he could act like he's me. Look down, back up. Where are you? You're camping in the French countryside with your Maître. What's on your mind? I have it! It's a history of the time I learned sex didn't have to be in the missionary position. Look again. The woman is now on top! Anything is possible si c'est écrit là-haut.
Son Maître: I'm on a horse.

SOMEDAY, I WILL ACCEPT THAT NO ONE APPRECIATES BUTCHERED FRANGLAIS OLD SPICE MEMES*. UNTIL THEN, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ME.

*Also, why have I not been able to find one for The Eagle? STEP IT UP, FANDOM. :D

HELLO, STUDENTS.

LOOK AT YOUR ESSAY. NOW BACK TO THE CLOCK. NOW BACK TO YOUR ESSAY. NOW BACK TO THE CLOCK. SADLY, IT IS APPROACHING THREE IN THE MORNING. AND IF YOU KEEP UP POSTING RANDOMLY ON LJ, IT WILL BE FOUR AM BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE.

SCROLL DOWN. BACK UP. WHERE ARE YOU? YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF EDITING A PARAGRAPH ABOUT L'HONNETE HOMME DANS LA LITTERATURE CLASSIQUE. WHAT'S ON THE PAGE? I HAVE IT. IT'S A SENTENCE WITH VITAL CONTENT THAT YOU CAN'T FIND A PLACE FOR IN THE ENTIRE ESSAY.

LOOK AGAIN. YOUR ANXIETY IS NOW ADRENALINE. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE ON FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP.

I NEED SOME COFFEE.

why does my life center around writing spoofs of internet memes ijdgi

Maybe if I am sleep-deprived as long as possible, it will hurt less when I get back my mark for this essay. :/ OTL.