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Nov. 9th, 2010 06:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bitchy_merlinThe good news: things have happened since the last post! The bad news: most of them were shitty. Although there was breakdancing (b-girling?) which kind of MADE MY LIFE. Unfortunately, that was only for one hour and didn't really counterbalance the other stuff, but every little bit helps.
Basically, last Friday Iqra, Tiwa and I were planning on going out. Tiwa was over for a little pre-drink (pas pour moi, alors), and they were doing tequila shots, with the salt and the lime. Well, we don't have a salt shaker - just the box with the opening - so the salt was getting everywhere when they poured it on their hands. Seeing as I'm the one who does all the cleaning in the house, and because I knew I was going to have to deal with the spilled salt in the morning, I asked Iqra and Tiwa if they could please pour the salt over the sink. Was that unreasonable? I didn't think so. Tiwa didn't think so. Iqra, however, lost it and started yelling and swearing at me, rather viciously. "I'm fucking sick of you... your bullshit... fuck you, etc, etc." It was shocking, to say the least, and I got upset and had to fight down tears. I asked her - in as calm a voice as I could manage - what I had done wrong. "Clearly something I'm doing is upsetting you, and I want to fix it, but I don't know what it is. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" "No, it's just YOU. Fuck off!" She stormed out of the kitchen.
...
Ok. I was crying a little bit by this point, and Tiwa noticed and confronted Iqra about it. "Why the fuck should I care?!" says Iqra, grabbing the bottle of tequila and pouring herself another shot. "Drink!"
I got it together in the end, and we all went out to a club. It was honestly a waste of my time. Near the end of the night, Tiwa and I were sitting and waiting for Iqra to get back from where she'd gone off to - literally, for two hours - have a conversation with some dude. (Conversation, in this case, is not a metaphor. They were actually sitting in a booth and arm's length apart, having an animated conversation.) Two drunk guys came up to us and sat down next to us. I was bored and upset, and I started making out with one of them. I had no intention of doing anything, but possibly I should have made that clearer to him earlier. "Let's have sex," he says. "No," I say, "I'm not having sex with you tonight." "Some guys wouldn't take no for an answer, you know," he said, looking at me expectantly. UM, WHAT. Soooo... I should have sex with you because you've done me a favour by not raping me? Excuse me? Like, I should consider you an exceptionally attractive individual simply by virtue of you not raping me? Dude, do you know how many people pass me on the street every day? Should I sleep unreservedly with all of them simply because they haven't raped me, too? I DON'T EVEN. But whatever, that interlude took all of five minutes, and we ditched the guys to find Iqra and leave. Apparently I am a complete wuss when I am tired, because I cried myself to sleep that night. /fail.
Iqra and I played the ignoring game all of Saturday - not outright, mind, but I definitely didn't make any overt attempts to talk to her. Sunday during the day was great - I LOVE BREAKDANCING. WE LEARNED BABY FREEZES AND THE INDIAN STEP AND IT WAS AWESOME. And a fantastic workout. Whew. I talked to Iqra Sunday evening, and asked her if there was anything I was doing that was acutely upsetting her. Told her I'd prefer it if she let me know so we can talk about it rationally. "I was being stupid," she said, shrugging and not looking at me. It's a good thing I don't have half as much self-respect as a normal person - hell, I wasn't even asking for an outright apology - but that felt kind of rude to me. IDK, the thing that gets me most about it is that there was no lead-up. I had no idea that she was unhappy with anything. And furthermore? I'm totally question how justified her anger is because, honestly, the amount of stuff I'm not asking her to do around the house... I swear, the only thing I don't do is clean her damn room. Or chew her food for her. I get that maybe she's stressed about other things right now, like marks and all that, but even if that's the case, I don't feel like it would merit that kind of an outburst and one directed solely at me, at that.
So it's Tuesday, and we're on speaking terms, which is good. IDK, I'm just really tired of social interaction at the moment. Online, sure, but being face to face with people right now requires energy and resources I don't currently have. Today was not the greatest of days, either. I got a sixty on my German quiz. It's really not a big deal, because our lowest quiz mark will be dropped at the end of the year, but previously my lowest mark was an eighty, and I was really counting on dropping that and replacing it with a ninety-five or something (because let's be honest, Intro German is about as challenging as, well, something not very challenging, and I know I can do better.) We also got our French midterms back today, and ouch. In my defense, I wrote two midterms that day, and Michelle had come up the night before, which was really not conducive to studying, but holy crap. Just. I was only joking about expecting to fail. Uhm. No, okay, I got 38 out of 50, which is 76%, and, objectively, not too awful. But on Monday, I was at a reception for the Dean's Honours List, for the people in the top three percent of their programs. Seriously. Seventy-six is just not cool. Possibly worse was the "Bon travail" my prof scrawled on my paper, because if that's her definition of "good"... let's just say that mine differs a lot. An eighty I could have lived with, but 76? Ugh. Ew. Failure. (I did expect to do a lot worse on that exam, and I know that it was only worth 12.5% of my overall mark, but it's just so frustrating to not perform well. Arrgh. I haven't felt this inadequate since getting a D on that one math test in grade four.)
But I figure if I ace stats (haha, pull the other one, it's got bells on), and hopefully also the abnormal midterm tomorrow, that might make up for it... :/
TL;DR: Housemate issues, social apathy, academic pessimism.
Basically, last Friday Iqra, Tiwa and I were planning on going out. Tiwa was over for a little pre-drink (pas pour moi, alors), and they were doing tequila shots, with the salt and the lime. Well, we don't have a salt shaker - just the box with the opening - so the salt was getting everywhere when they poured it on their hands. Seeing as I'm the one who does all the cleaning in the house, and because I knew I was going to have to deal with the spilled salt in the morning, I asked Iqra and Tiwa if they could please pour the salt over the sink. Was that unreasonable? I didn't think so. Tiwa didn't think so. Iqra, however, lost it and started yelling and swearing at me, rather viciously. "I'm fucking sick of you... your bullshit... fuck you, etc, etc." It was shocking, to say the least, and I got upset and had to fight down tears. I asked her - in as calm a voice as I could manage - what I had done wrong. "Clearly something I'm doing is upsetting you, and I want to fix it, but I don't know what it is. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" "No, it's just YOU. Fuck off!" She stormed out of the kitchen.
...
Ok. I was crying a little bit by this point, and Tiwa noticed and confronted Iqra about it. "Why the fuck should I care?!" says Iqra, grabbing the bottle of tequila and pouring herself another shot. "Drink!"
I got it together in the end, and we all went out to a club. It was honestly a waste of my time. Near the end of the night, Tiwa and I were sitting and waiting for Iqra to get back from where she'd gone off to - literally, for two hours - have a conversation with some dude. (Conversation, in this case, is not a metaphor. They were actually sitting in a booth and arm's length apart, having an animated conversation.) Two drunk guys came up to us and sat down next to us. I was bored and upset, and I started making out with one of them. I had no intention of doing anything, but possibly I should have made that clearer to him earlier. "Let's have sex," he says. "No," I say, "I'm not having sex with you tonight." "Some guys wouldn't take no for an answer, you know," he said, looking at me expectantly. UM, WHAT. Soooo... I should have sex with you because you've done me a favour by not raping me? Excuse me? Like, I should consider you an exceptionally attractive individual simply by virtue of you not raping me? Dude, do you know how many people pass me on the street every day? Should I sleep unreservedly with all of them simply because they haven't raped me, too? I DON'T EVEN. But whatever, that interlude took all of five minutes, and we ditched the guys to find Iqra and leave. Apparently I am a complete wuss when I am tired, because I cried myself to sleep that night. /fail.
Iqra and I played the ignoring game all of Saturday - not outright, mind, but I definitely didn't make any overt attempts to talk to her. Sunday during the day was great - I LOVE BREAKDANCING. WE LEARNED BABY FREEZES AND THE INDIAN STEP AND IT WAS AWESOME. And a fantastic workout. Whew. I talked to Iqra Sunday evening, and asked her if there was anything I was doing that was acutely upsetting her. Told her I'd prefer it if she let me know so we can talk about it rationally. "I was being stupid," she said, shrugging and not looking at me. It's a good thing I don't have half as much self-respect as a normal person - hell, I wasn't even asking for an outright apology - but that felt kind of rude to me. IDK, the thing that gets me most about it is that there was no lead-up. I had no idea that she was unhappy with anything. And furthermore? I'm totally question how justified her anger is because, honestly, the amount of stuff I'm not asking her to do around the house... I swear, the only thing I don't do is clean her damn room. Or chew her food for her. I get that maybe she's stressed about other things right now, like marks and all that, but even if that's the case, I don't feel like it would merit that kind of an outburst and one directed solely at me, at that.
So it's Tuesday, and we're on speaking terms, which is good. IDK, I'm just really tired of social interaction at the moment. Online, sure, but being face to face with people right now requires energy and resources I don't currently have. Today was not the greatest of days, either. I got a sixty on my German quiz. It's really not a big deal, because our lowest quiz mark will be dropped at the end of the year, but previously my lowest mark was an eighty, and I was really counting on dropping that and replacing it with a ninety-five or something (because let's be honest, Intro German is about as challenging as, well, something not very challenging, and I know I can do better.) We also got our French midterms back today, and ouch. In my defense, I wrote two midterms that day, and Michelle had come up the night before, which was really not conducive to studying, but holy crap. Just. I was only joking about expecting to fail. Uhm. No, okay, I got 38 out of 50, which is 76%, and, objectively, not too awful. But on Monday, I was at a reception for the Dean's Honours List, for the people in the top three percent of their programs. Seriously. Seventy-six is just not cool. Possibly worse was the "Bon travail" my prof scrawled on my paper, because if that's her definition of "good"... let's just say that mine differs a lot. An eighty I could have lived with, but 76? Ugh. Ew. Failure. (I did expect to do a lot worse on that exam, and I know that it was only worth 12.5% of my overall mark, but it's just so frustrating to not perform well. Arrgh. I haven't felt this inadequate since getting a D on that one math test in grade four.)
But I figure if I ace stats (haha, pull the other one, it's got bells on), and hopefully also the abnormal midterm tomorrow, that might make up for it... :/
TL;DR: Housemate issues, social apathy, academic pessimism.
