Contradictio in Terminis

After realizing Josh Ramsay wrote his songs about going through depression and heroin addiction and an ED, I am just so sad. I do enjoy the music, I do, but it hurts to hear him sing about these things.

It is so painful and I've never felt this way about music before, and MT isn't even my favourite band but it hurts hurts hurts and yet I can't stop listening. I want to crawl inside the music and be swallowed by the pain and the anger and the desperation and fear because that is what's inside me now.

I wish I could cry, but the meds aren't letting me.

Wow.

I just got back from a surprise concert, courtesy of the Toronto Symphony Orchestra (TSO) and my friend/wife Fatima. (I say "surprise" because I had no idea she was taking me to see a TSO concert and I was woefully under-dressed, but that's not important.) It was stunning!

Three pieces were performed: Suite No. 2 from Manuel de Falla's The Three-Cornered Hat, The Four Seasons of Buenos Aires (Astor Piazzolla/Arr. Desyatnikov) and Igor Stravinsky's Petrouchka (excerpts from the toned-down 1947 version). It was a two hour concert at Roy Thomson Hall, our seats were decent, the music was awesome, and all for six bucks.

It makes me kind of sad that I never kept up with strings in high school, because no matter how many times I hear that first A note, it always feels like discovery.

The Three-Cornered Hat was really lively and vivacious, which I liked. Petrouchka was also very rousing, but I felt like the music was only telling me half the story. I spent at least half the time trying vainly to figure out what each part was supposed to mean that I didn't really enjoy the music in and of itself. I think because it was composed as part of a ballet, I would have needed to see it performed as a ballet in order to appreciate it to its full extent. 

But the Piazzolla pieces, holy. We heard the pieces in the order Primavera Portena, Verano Porteno, Invierno Porteno, Otono Porteno, which, as the conductor explained to us, was completely different from the order appearing in the programme, but whatever. I saw the words "Otono Porteno" and had a mental flailgasm because, a la cherishedsaulie , OH MY GOD STEPHAAAANE. But actually, my favourite piece was Invierno Porteno. The solo violinist, one Nadja Salemo-Sonnenberg*, was unbelievable. Listening to her as she coaxed the sound out of her violin was the most exquisite torture imaginable, the notes straining and swelling up to resonate in that one special place within. Gorgeous.

I really enjoyed the concert - there's no substitute for seeing something done with artistry, done well, live in front of you. It was fantastic. ♥

*ALSO SHE WORE SPARKLY PANTS. IT WAS AWESOME.

So you know how when you download a new song, or you have the urge to hear just one thing in particular, so you loop that one song and play it again and again and again....

Pomme C by Calogero.

Sure it's probably a bit passe, or maybe indicative of my lack of taste in music or whatever - well, each to their own.

Anyway, if you see this, comment and tell me about your favourite song (or whatever you're into at the moment).

This weekend has been a good one (in terms of everything but schoolwork >.<).
I learned to read guitar tab (but aha, the chords, my fingers don't bend that way), baked a shitload of stuff (and managed not to blow anything up!), and procrastinated like nobody's business.

Also, my uncle bought me SPN S1, which was completely out of the blue because sure, I've been following it for a while, but it's not like he knew or anything, seeing as i hardly ever talk to the man, save for "hi" and "pass the potatoes, please". But great gift, yes? Yes. So that's what my weekend looked like.

AND!  I saw Bourne Ultimatum (err, the 3rd movie in that series). I haven't seen the first two, but HOLY FUCK MATT DAMON being all action-y  and intense and awesome! Guh. And the guy with the English accent (he was totally my favourite character before he died!) and the assassin and OMG SO GOOD. There was even plot and stuff. It was exciting! And now I want an SPN crossover where Dean and Sam meet Bourne and are all Intense and Broody together. Because yes.

(Bentley/Impala fic would also rock)

Right. Too much time on the internet? Who, me? Never!

 guhhh Max=sex. That part in Happiness is a Warm Gun after the silence where he screams yeah in a downward spiral like it's freedom and he doesn't care anymore, that's what music is about. Emotion, and god this is beautiful. 

Aside from that, had the SUnnybrook field trip today; don't feel much like talking about it, though. Not yet, maybe later. 

mkay, so it's "Meredith's" b-day party next friday I think. McDreamy facebook's me for the first time in godknows-how-long to invite me, and apparently we need to talk. I'm confused and anticipatory, even though I'm sure it'll be really awkward, cuz I'm not up to speed on any politics (insofar as we're concerned)at all, and I've had no contact with AM or Izzie for about 2 months. Plus, i'm jpretty sure that Izzie dislikes me. Buggery. 

also not the point. be prepared for a long post about J and R and myself coming within the next few days/weeks/whenever the hell I have time. soon.

But wait! SLOGANS!!!!








These win SO BAD. I think the answer to my icon would have to be 'yes, actually, I am'.

dixi