Contradictio in Terminis

What's that, you say? The first weekend back on campus, you say? Too many self-destructive feelings right now, you say?

I have razorblades in my room? Okay.

...

I definitely did not mean to do that. OOPS.
(But after all this, what's one more scar?)

University is eight hours in the library with three sentences to show for it.

Dear Canmate,

Your fapping material of choice is really not something that I want to hear emanating from your room at three in the morning. No, seriously. Stop it. Waking to the sound of some girl screaming as some guy rams her cushy ladyparts with his manly meatstick to the strains of a Twilight-zone remix is not actually as pleasant as it sounds.

I appreciate that we are all horny teenagers here, but could you not have done this at a time when, say, there's not an 8:30 ECON class I have to go to?

No love,
Sarah

PS: Your porn sucks. And not in the sexy way.