Contradictio in Terminis

What's that, you say? The first weekend back on campus, you say? Too many self-destructive feelings right now, you say?

I have razorblades in my room? Okay.

...

I definitely did not mean to do that. OOPS.
(But after all this, what's one more scar?)

There are no words yet invented in the English language, nor in any other that I know that can accurately describe how COMPLETELY FUCKING TERRIBLE I feel about myself and my unending cowardice right now.

It's been the only thing on my mind ever since I woke up today. I am a continuous raw, writhing mass of emotions. Why wasn't I brave enough? He was holding my hand! Why didn't I turn around?!

I really fucking hate myself.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL BRB FAILING AT LIFE FOREVER~ FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF WORST INTERVIEW OF LIIIIIFFFFEEEEEEEEEEE OMG WHY AM I ALLOWED TO GO ON EXISTING, I DONUT GET IT.

*headdesk forever*

1) Just got back from a lovely weekend in Niagara-on-the-Lake with vexinglyverbose and mod_martha. We shopped, swam, and ate awesome food. Last night, we went to see An Ideal Husband as part of the Shaw Festival. IT WAS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. And I wasn't even all that into seeing it in the first place. The tickets weren't exactly what you'd call cheap, so I was not too happy about spending that money, but I am so glad we went, because that was the most fantastic play I've ever had the pleasure of watching. The actors were terrific; the costumes were completely stunning, and, I mean, it's Oscar Wilde. What more can you ask for? What surprised me most about the play - more than the witty and intelligent writing, and the vivacity of the characters - was how thoroughly entertained I was throughout. I'm not a theater geek in any sense of the word, so I was like "eh, I will probably not be too enthralled by this" - BUT NO. I was completely taken from the opening act, and it was just FULL OF FABULOUS. ;ALSDJASLDKN;ASKLDJT SO MUCH LOVE FOR THAT PLAY. SO MUCH. ♥

2) I Have A Lot Of Feelings Questions: A Very Bitter Whiny Rant About My Education (Sorry for the Misplaced Commas)
Ok, someone please enlighten me because I cannot, for the life of me, understand this phenomenon. I am a generally mild-mannered university student. I go to Queen's University. I am planning to major in Psychology. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?! Every time I talk to someone about my degree, there is always this undertone of "what the fuck, why would you choose psychology?". There's always a pause after that, like I'm supposed to say "Surprise! Jokes - I'm actually going into bio/history/philosophy/acupuncture", and the other person will laugh, and all will be well. I will be the first to admit: I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS. Whenever I tell anyone that I'm interested in psychology, I feel pressured to justify that interest. What can I say? I like knowing how the mind works. I like introspection. Why should I apologize for that? I'm majoring in it because I am interested in it - why is that so horrible?! 

Person: "So Sarah, what are you studying?"
Sarah: "Well, I'm majoring in Psychology--"
Person: "Oh, there's a psychologist here, can I leave the table now?"
(ACTUALFAX from this afternoon.)

Not to be impolite but what the fuck? I don't understand what's going on. What evil menace awaits in fourth year psyc? How is my degree worth less than that of someone who is going into Medieval Studies? Why does studying psychology make it sound like there's something wrong with me? It's my undergrad: no one's going to look at it after I've gotten my Master's, yet it feels like people are automatically writing me off because of it. It's gotten to the point that I don't like talking about my degree because I feel like I should be ashamed of it. And, trust, when you're spending this much money on something, you want it to be something you're not ashamed of.

Am I just projecting this? It's completely possible. (But I sure wasn't projecting the above conversation.) Is there some critical element of a BA in psyc that I have just failed to grasp? My mom majored in Psyc, and she turned out pretty well*. I'm just trying to do the same.

This shit just makes me want to say fuck it and enroll in one of those fancy-schmancy joint MBA/JD programs so that I won't have to continually justify myself, and people can finally shut up about my major.

TL;DR: Sarah whines about her degree; abuses question marks.

*This is a bit of an understatement. I love you, Mom.

( the holidays are so stressful. *headwall* )
... that sounds rather depressing, so here, have a Merlin rec I've been meaning to get to for ages!
It's by moonythestrals and it's the FRATBOY!ARTHUR AU. 


Take a moment to read that again.


Yeah.

So you kind of already know it's going to be epic in the most epic way possible. I don't think any description of mine can possibly do it justice, so here, have the summary: "Arthur, Merlin, frat brothers, the Dragon, Arthur's BlackBerry, script writing, shitty hip-hop music, Dogma, FATE & DESTINY - oh God I wish I were joking."

It is EPIC AWESOME, and EXTREMELY HILARIOUS and it has a sort of sequel that is all sorts of brilliance.
... Click it. You know you want to.