[personal profile] bitchy_merlin
DEAR SELF I HATE YOU
NO LOVE, SARAH

*breathing heavily*



*yells* I AM A PIECE OF SHIT! I AM AWFUL! I AM A WORTHLESS, USELESS, PATHETIC CREATURE NOT FIT FOR HUMAN COMPANY!

I am trying to concentrate on a dozen things, but I keep getting distracted by the heinous crime that is my existence. Every breath I take is a blasphemy against everything that is good and decent in this world. My mind is frozen and stuck because I am ugly, ugly, ugly. I hate myself. I can feel my fat everywhere, clinging and suffocating me. It's hideous. I'm hideous. I'm a disgusting, awful waste of a person. I can't even bear to look at myself - the sight of my body in the mirror makes me burst into tears - I'm so ugly, I DON'T EVEN LOOK HUMAN!

I can't shout this post into existence; if I could, my voice would be raw from screaming (a guttural sound to match my giant guts).

I feel the constant need to apologize for my existence and my appearance. I'm sorry for being such an offending sight, I want to say. I want to apologize to my dad for being so ugly. You deserve a better daughter than me. I am sorry that my ugliness brings you shame. I'm sorry I'm so fat. I'm sorry I failed.

I keep thinking that if I could just hurt myself enough, suffer enough, maybe it would be better. Maybe I could make up for all these excess calories, for my flaws, if I could just cause myself enough pain. Because I am ugly, despicable, vile, worthless, and such a wretched creature as I am deserves to suffer. But it's not enough and it will never be enough; there is not enough pain in the world to remedy this (me).

DEAR SELF, NO ONE WILL EVER HATE YOU AS MUCH AS I DO. SINCERELY, SARAH

Profile

bitchy_merlin

March 2017

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
1213 1415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 24th, 2025 11:02 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios