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bitchy_merlinI guess I should have gone to bed two hours ago but I just read Hanna's email and I think I've been punched in the face by feelings because she literally just admitted to me that she doesn't see herself going back to England because moving away from her Finnish support network would be too hard, and she says she loves him but not enough for that... ???
and i just???????
W H A T do i say to that? Like, she loves Jamie. I know she loves Jamie. She knows she loves Jamie. But she won't be with him?!?!?! And I?!?! Like, does this mean you're going to live the rest of your life in misery because you're separated from him because that is hella dumb. Cause I feel like she'll be miserable without him and I'm so beyond worried about her it's not even actually funny right now 9plus she says that "strange things" have been happening recently and she would be freaking out about those if she weren't 9000% done with everything and i'm like you know you're just adding fuel to the fire here)
and just i'm super fucking concerned about her and i can't fucking do anything and it fucking SUCKS because she literally said that sometimes she hates her own fucking guts and ok I fucking know what that feels like, but like, my empathy can't really stop you from hating yourself? like, i am here and 200% willing to support you in whatever way you need, but I know that no matter how caring or whatever i am, there is no way i can "fix" you... i know that and i don't want to accept it because it makes me feel fucking useless and helpless. but i know it doe shelp, a litt.e, when i say i believe in you. i do. nothing you can do or say or think or be will ever change that.
(but let me tell you how i cried and whined and pawed at the floor when i read the line about breaking up with jamie. she says she promised herself she'd protect him. from what? oh darling. we all stand or fall on our own two feet at one point or another.)
but like i just don't see the point of being miserable in finland, when she could be slightly less miserable with Jamie in england? and i feel like this is a distance thing too, cause i mean i live in fucking canada, you can fit the entirety of europe in here like thrice over; hell, the distance between finland and england is still ontario for chrissakes. and i get that they are two different countries but, i mean. it's not like she'd never see her family again? esp if they both got jobs? like, she went on exchange fffs, and she certainly wasn't going home every weekend then either... god i just don't know.
and like i want to say this to her, but that would be a stupid idea because idk how she would react, esp at a delicate time like this... /and also i've never been in a relationship so how the fuck can i just assume that her feels and my feels align?
i just feel so bad for her and for jamie and for all of us right now. :/
and i just???????
W H A T do i say to that? Like, she loves Jamie. I know she loves Jamie. She knows she loves Jamie. But she won't be with him?!?!?! And I?!?! Like, does this mean you're going to live the rest of your life in misery because you're separated from him because that is hella dumb. Cause I feel like she'll be miserable without him and I'm so beyond worried about her it's not even actually funny right now 9plus she says that "strange things" have been happening recently and she would be freaking out about those if she weren't 9000% done with everything and i'm like you know you're just adding fuel to the fire here)
and just i'm super fucking concerned about her and i can't fucking do anything and it fucking SUCKS because she literally said that sometimes she hates her own fucking guts and ok I fucking know what that feels like, but like, my empathy can't really stop you from hating yourself? like, i am here and 200% willing to support you in whatever way you need, but I know that no matter how caring or whatever i am, there is no way i can "fix" you... i know that and i don't want to accept it because it makes me feel fucking useless and helpless. but i know it doe shelp, a litt.e, when i say i believe in you. i do. nothing you can do or say or think or be will ever change that.
(but let me tell you how i cried and whined and pawed at the floor when i read the line about breaking up with jamie. she says she promised herself she'd protect him. from what? oh darling. we all stand or fall on our own two feet at one point or another.)
but like i just don't see the point of being miserable in finland, when she could be slightly less miserable with Jamie in england? and i feel like this is a distance thing too, cause i mean i live in fucking canada, you can fit the entirety of europe in here like thrice over; hell, the distance between finland and england is still ontario for chrissakes. and i get that they are two different countries but, i mean. it's not like she'd never see her family again? esp if they both got jobs? like, she went on exchange fffs, and she certainly wasn't going home every weekend then either... god i just don't know.
and like i want to say this to her, but that would be a stupid idea because idk how she would react, esp at a delicate time like this... /and also i've never been in a relationship so how the fuck can i just assume that her feels and my feels align?
i just feel so bad for her and for jamie and for all of us right now. :/
