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bitchy_merlinWarning: this is a self-centered post full of teen angst.
Cut for your convenience, and to spare your brain cells. ;p
***
It's just hard to know what to think when I get emails like this:
Hi, Sarah –
Things did not go well at David’s last appt. About 2/3 of the way through the appt, the therapist asked me to join them. She basically said that it was difficult to continue because David was not willing to participate. It’s hard to provide therapy to someone who’s not at the table. She felt it was a matter of readiness, and David is not ready, despite the fact that he definitely needs help. So, she said (in a nice way) that David could decide if he wanted to continue with her, or seek out someone else. He has to decide by this evening.
Despite what the therapist says, and what psychologists generally want us to believe, I think, in his heart of hearts, he despises Dad and me. Deeply. That’s not to say that he will feel this way forever; he may eventually decide that we’re not such evil parents after all, but right now, he hates us. But we can’t give up – I just hope this doesn’t trigger another crisis for him.
What time do you arrive tomorrow? We’re looking forward to seeing you!
Love,
M
(emphasis mine)
Sent yesterday. I just. He's sitting beside me right now, and honest to God, if mom hadn't told me, I would not know. He's playing crappy computer games and watching Whose Line Is It Anyway? and making stupid jokes like he always does. Dad says this is the liveliest he's been in a month, and I have no idea what to think or feel right now. This sounds selfish, but I'm trying not to let it affect the rest of my life, just because I think if I thought about it too hard I wouldn't be able to function. (It sounds so cliche and way too much like a drama queen for my liking, but I really, really want to talk to someone about this. I don't know how to deal; thoughts come creeping through my mind, twisting and vile, about this and other things going on at the moment, and I'm starting to be reminded of last November. And that's frustrating, so, so frustrating, because I thought - I could have sworn - I'd gotten over that, gotten past the miserable wreck I was last year. Hell, this year on September 25th, I was out with friends partying. Everything was going so well, and now David does this and people are in a living whirlwind all around me and the thoughts are coming back. At the beginning of September, I was excited and upbeat and generally hopeful about things, and now I feel stupid, scared, jealous and awful, and like my family is falling apart, and how is this my life? ) I am such a headcase.
Mental vomit. I don't care; I need to say this somewhere, and I don't want to bludgeon RL peeps with it. It's selfish; I don't care. It's ridiculous to think like this; I don't care. This isn't a constructive way to deal with anything; I. Don't. Care. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I do care, I do care, I care and I want it to stop.
Ok. That was my catharsis-for-the-weekend post. We return to your regularly scheduled programming shortly.
Cut for your convenience, and to spare your brain cells. ;p
***
It's just hard to know what to think when I get emails like this:
Hi, Sarah –
Things did not go well at David’s last appt. About 2/3 of the way through the appt, the therapist asked me to join them. She basically said that it was difficult to continue because David was not willing to participate. It’s hard to provide therapy to someone who’s not at the table. She felt it was a matter of readiness, and David is not ready, despite the fact that he definitely needs help. So, she said (in a nice way) that David could decide if he wanted to continue with her, or seek out someone else. He has to decide by this evening.
Despite what the therapist says, and what psychologists generally want us to believe, I think, in his heart of hearts, he despises Dad and me. Deeply. That’s not to say that he will feel this way forever; he may eventually decide that we’re not such evil parents after all, but right now, he hates us. But we can’t give up – I just hope this doesn’t trigger another crisis for him.
What time do you arrive tomorrow? We’re looking forward to seeing you!
Love,
M
(emphasis mine)
Sent yesterday. I just. He's sitting beside me right now, and honest to God, if mom hadn't told me, I would not know. He's playing crappy computer games and watching Whose Line Is It Anyway? and making stupid jokes like he always does. Dad says this is the liveliest he's been in a month, and I have no idea what to think or feel right now. This sounds selfish, but I'm trying not to let it affect the rest of my life, just because I think if I thought about it too hard I wouldn't be able to function. (It sounds so cliche and way too much like a drama queen for my liking, but I really, really want to talk to someone about this. I don't know how to deal; thoughts come creeping through my mind, twisting and vile, about this and other things going on at the moment, and I'm starting to be reminded of last November. And that's frustrating, so, so frustrating, because I thought - I could have sworn - I'd gotten over that, gotten past the miserable wreck I was last year. Hell, this year on September 25th, I was out with friends partying. Everything was going so well, and now David does this and people are in a living whirlwind all around me and the thoughts are coming back. At the beginning of September, I was excited and upbeat and generally hopeful about things, and now I feel stupid, scared, jealous and awful, and like my family is falling apart, and how is this my life? ) I am such a headcase.
Mental vomit. I don't care; I need to say this somewhere, and I don't want to bludgeon RL peeps with it. It's selfish; I don't care. It's ridiculous to think like this; I don't care. This isn't a constructive way to deal with anything; I. Don't. Care. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I do care, I do care, I care and I want it to stop.
Ok. That was my catharsis-for-the-weekend post. We return to your regularly scheduled programming shortly.
