august should just GET HERE ALREADY
Jul. 8th, 2008 08:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bitchy_merlinO HAI
eeurgh, I want a shower. What has been done this week? Not much. Then again, it's only Tuesday. Game tomorrow. Practice Thursday. Friday, 7:00 - 7:05 Be Cheerful and Relaxed and a People Person. Then, and not before.
What else? We're studying Hamlet, and it's kinda ehh. Not the best thing, not the worst. I hope Horatio becomes a badass but it's not looking so hot for him.
Our teacher isn't so much teaching the class as she is trying desperately to stay the slightest bit ahead of T. who could clearly run circles around her. Stupid T. Cut us dumb people some slack. And stop being so intelligent and kindofcute. God.
There is, if I'm not distracted for any length of time, a Titanic-slaying iceberg of panic inching closer to the forefront of my mind. It consists of simple things like: where am I going for University? More importantly, what am I going into? Majors? Minors? Programs? This is made even more urgent by the thing of I have to fucking plan my life by November, or whenever the fuck the applications are due in. Scholarships? Money? Which leads to the inevitable: I need to find a job. Absolutely stone-cold need it for September. I've applied to a few places, but my resume... is crap. But I'll just keep trying.
I DON'T WANT TO PLAN OUT MY FUCKING LIFE WHEN I'M SEVENTEEN! I'M TOO GODDAMNED YOUNG! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING! I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING NOW, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO SIGN UP FOR SOMETHING THAT WILL AFFECT MY ENTIRE BLOODY FUTURE?! I DON'T THINK SO!
And so, I am adopting that age-old method of: deny, deny, deny. Or, more accurately, distract, distract, distract. If I don't have to think about it, I get a few more minutes of peace of mind.
I realize this is probably not the most constructive way to deal with the important decisions of my life. I'm almost tempted to take a fifth year just so I can get my shit together.
Thinking about this kind of stuff makes me want to scream even more, but I don't currently have the energy. I apologize, if you've read this, because contrary to previous entries, I do not particularly enjoy using this journal only as a place to angst. The reason this is an angst!post is twofold, firstly because of the aforementioned shit, and second because the fandom I'm really interested in currently is Discworld and there is a serious lack of Vimes/Vetinari fic out there, although it's mentioned as being the foremost slash pairing in said fandom. If I could find more, I would flail here, but as I can't, no flailing yet.
So I'm quite sorry if this journal is a deluge of rants and angst for the next... three weeks. And then summer school will be over and August will stretch aheadand September will be right round the corner, god help me and hopefully stuff will be... if not awesome, then at least better.
eeurgh, I want a shower. What has been done this week? Not much. Then again, it's only Tuesday. Game tomorrow. Practice Thursday. Friday, 7:00 - 7:05 Be Cheerful and Relaxed and a People Person. Then, and not before.
What else? We're studying Hamlet, and it's kinda ehh. Not the best thing, not the worst. I hope Horatio becomes a badass but it's not looking so hot for him.
Our teacher isn't so much teaching the class as she is trying desperately to stay the slightest bit ahead of T. who could clearly run circles around her. Stupid T. Cut us dumb people some slack. And stop being so intelligent and kindofcute. God.
There is, if I'm not distracted for any length of time, a Titanic-slaying iceberg of panic inching closer to the forefront of my mind. It consists of simple things like: where am I going for University? More importantly, what am I going into? Majors? Minors? Programs? This is made even more urgent by the thing of I have to fucking plan my life by November, or whenever the fuck the applications are due in. Scholarships? Money? Which leads to the inevitable: I need to find a job. Absolutely stone-cold need it for September. I've applied to a few places, but my resume... is crap. But I'll just keep trying.
I DON'T WANT TO PLAN OUT MY FUCKING LIFE WHEN I'M SEVENTEEN! I'M TOO GODDAMNED YOUNG! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING! I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING NOW, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO SIGN UP FOR SOMETHING THAT WILL AFFECT MY ENTIRE BLOODY FUTURE?! I DON'T THINK SO!
And so, I am adopting that age-old method of: deny, deny, deny. Or, more accurately, distract, distract, distract. If I don't have to think about it, I get a few more minutes of peace of mind.
I realize this is probably not the most constructive way to deal with the important decisions of my life. I'm almost tempted to take a fifth year just so I can get my shit together.
Thinking about this kind of stuff makes me want to scream even more, but I don't currently have the energy. I apologize, if you've read this, because contrary to previous entries, I do not particularly enjoy using this journal only as a place to angst. The reason this is an angst!post is twofold, firstly because of the aforementioned shit, and second because the fandom I'm really interested in currently is Discworld and there is a serious lack of Vimes/Vetinari fic out there, although it's mentioned as being the foremost slash pairing in said fandom. If I could find more, I would flail here, but as I can't, no flailing yet.
So I'm quite sorry if this journal is a deluge of rants and angst for the next... three weeks. And then summer school will be over and August will stretch ahead
