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bitchy_merlin*takes a DEEP breath*
Today, I saw the musical Sweeny Todd.
*takes a VERY DEEP breath*
I do not know if I can honestly take this seriously. It was way beyond my expectations. It shattered my expectations completely.
Ok, so in all honesty, I didn't know what my expectations were when I walked into the theater. I guess I expected some strange, eccentric movie featuring Johnny Depp , possibly with a few exciting musical numbers and perhaps a spot of outstanding choreography.
My expectations were not that high.
What I got?
I don't care how much gore/throat-slitting/perversion/whatever was in that movie, it was the fucking comedic ride of a lifetime! Well, alright, so maybe there are more interesting movies out there, with less gore and more plot, but do those movies feature Alan Rickman in GOLD SPANDEX TIGHTS?!?!?!?!! DO THEY?
And that's not all, my friends... not only was Alan Rickman wearing those garish hose (for the entire movie I might add!), but Timothy Small (Wormtail) was seenponcing prancing around in that tights+skirt+boots look that's so popular nowadays. Also, he had blond hair and a frigging pimpcane, JUST LIKE LUSCIOUS LUCIUS MALFOY!!! It was unbelievable!!!
Don't even get me started on Depp. It's strange, but I had absolutely no problem at all with his outfit. Nothing. Nada. I mean, sure he looked a helluva lot better in PotC, but I like Jack more than Todd anyway,so that's just my personal preference. Pirates>Demon hairdressers. But! No one - I repeat, no one - wears pants as fabulously as Mr. Sweeny Todd. To my astounding delight, he did not change the style of his pants throughout the entire movie, which made me sooooo happy, because trust me, it was all too easy to just sit and stare at how ...well-tailored... those pants were. Very well-tailored, if you catch my drift. I would have been content to just sit there watching the lovely pant-clad arse of Johnny Depp for the whole movie.
I cannot believe I just wrote that. >.<
Not to fear! Another change of subject coming right up! We now start on: the amount of restraint required to actually keep my mouth shut during certain scenes in that movie. Too much effort! Mkay, know that song that Johnny Depp sings to his razor blades about how they're his friends?
JDepp: *singing and caressing the blade (which is shorter than a sword and more easily...wielded)* ...my friend...
Sarah: I WILL NOT INTERPRET THIS THE WRONG WAY! I WILL NOT TAKE THIS OUT OF CONTEXT! I WILL N--- oh shit, I did.
Yeah. There were convulsions of a spazztastic nature. You had to be there, because this does not do it justice. Oh, the number of times the actors looked like they were about to break down and DISCO!
Yeah, speaking of justice? ALAN RICKMAN, HOLY SHIT, WTF WAS UP WITH YOUR TIGHTS?! I WILL NEVER SEE SNAPE THE SAME WAY AGAIN! Admittedly, brightgoldspandexpanty!Snape is a heck of a lot funnier than normal!Snape, but still. Still, fuck the panties, nothing ever beats Alan Rickman singing (goldpanties!singing!Snape FTW!). Ever.
MY FAVOURITE PART:
Johnny Depp with his razor about to shave Alan Rickman, and they're singing! Together! The same song! IN A FREAKING CHORUS! And then Alan Rickman starts going "ba ba ba ba de dee do bopbop badedop bumbumbumbumbumbum" while Depp is whistling, and I nearly exploded, I swear. It was SO GOOD XD
Another thing I liked? The song "Johanna" sung by that kid named Anthony. He was cute in a street rat kind of way. But he had the voice of an angel, and him and the girl were so cute together, and why the heck was there no resolution on that part?!
No, so then, let's talk about voices and actors, etc. I just could not take this movie seriously because Johnny Depp's voice doesn't change from how it sounds in PotC, so basically, it was like Captain Jack singing about killing people with razor blades, and stuff like that. LOL. Then, Alan Rickman's voice was the sexiest part of the movie. It rivaled Johnny Depp's pants, it really did. It was basically Snape there being all sexy (in very unsexy gold tights, may I add), and I kind of melted then and there. Guh. Alan Rickman, this puddle of goo applauds you heartily.
So basically, a summary of the film: Jack Sparrow and some kid (not Will) sail a sihhp to London whereupon the kid is all cute and jack starts singing about people who are full of shit. Then he goes away to meet a cool punk/victorian goth chick who helps him get revenge on the rich guys by killing them. He ruined a lot of nice shirts that way, lemme tell ya. Anyway, so streetkid goes and falls in love with helium!girl, aka Johanna, Jack's daughter. She's Snape's ward* and his henchman is Wormtail (ye gods, did tim burton read HP6 or what?). So meanwhile, Jack has all his emo!angry fits of emoness and shit, and then he decides to kill Wormtail and Snape because he H8S THM AL OMFGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!1!eleventy-one. He practices on other rich dudes, and Girl says hey, meat is expensive, why don't I just grind up the bodies and use them for mince pies? Duh. Her pastries become famous. The cutest kid in the world joins the Gang (Jack+Girl) and he's so cute and innocent that you *know* he's gonna be horribly scarred by the end of this film, even if they don't show it. So eventually Jack gets to kill Snape (Sarah dies inside) and the Boy gets horrifically scarred seeing the dead bodies tumble onto the floor. During the death os Snape, Jack's also managed to kill a hobo later revealed to be his wife. Then he flies into a fit of rage that causes him to do a waltz with the Girl before shoving him into a furnace. He does, however, refrain from murdering his own daughter (Sarah gives him bonus points), but only because the poor Boy had to slit Jack's throat with a razor anyway. There is no resolution between Johanna and Anthony. BUT THEY TOTALLY GET TOGETHER OFFSCREEN!!!!!!!
Also, Johnny Depp is fucking scary when he's angry. I know he was just acting or whatever, but fuck, I was petrified, and he wasn't even angry at me. I was so scared.
I did not approve of the goryness of this film, but that's just me, so I accept it. But honestly, why kill Snape *again*? Just wait for JKR to do it, why don't you? I can't wait for bloopers of this film.
The best way to watch a movie is to substitute other characters the actors have played into the film. instead of Judge Turpin wearing golden spandex panties, it's Severus Snape. Instead of Sweeny Todd gutting people like fish while singing, it's Jack Sparrow. Makes for a rather hilarious twist, IMHO.
So, in conclusion, this was a fucking spectacualr film because of the costumes, the cast, and the spazz attacks caused by the aforementioned factors. Fucking brilliant.
Today, I saw the musical Sweeny Todd.
*takes a VERY DEEP breath*
I do not know if I can honestly take this seriously. It was way beyond my expectations. It shattered my expectations completely.
Ok, so in all honesty, I didn't know what my expectations were when I walked into the theater. I guess I expected some strange, eccentric movie featuring Johnny Depp , possibly with a few exciting musical numbers and perhaps a spot of outstanding choreography.
My expectations were not that high.
What I got?
I don't care how much gore/throat-slitting/perversion/whatever was in that movie, it was the fucking comedic ride of a lifetime! Well, alright, so maybe there are more interesting movies out there, with less gore and more plot, but do those movies feature Alan Rickman in GOLD SPANDEX TIGHTS?!?!?!?!! DO THEY?
And that's not all, my friends... not only was Alan Rickman wearing those garish hose (for the entire movie I might add!), but Timothy Small (Wormtail) was seen
Don't even get me started on Depp. It's strange, but I had absolutely no problem at all with his outfit. Nothing. Nada. I mean, sure he looked a helluva lot better in PotC, but I like Jack more than Todd anyway,so that's just my personal preference. Pirates>Demon hairdressers. But! No one - I repeat, no one - wears pants as fabulously as Mr. Sweeny Todd. To my astounding delight, he did not change the style of his pants throughout the entire movie, which made me sooooo happy, because trust me, it was all too easy to just sit and stare at how ...well-tailored... those pants were. Very well-tailored, if you catch my drift. I would have been content to just sit there watching the lovely pant-clad arse of Johnny Depp for the whole movie.
I cannot believe I just wrote that. >.<
Not to fear! Another change of subject coming right up! We now start on: the amount of restraint required to actually keep my mouth shut during certain scenes in that movie. Too much effort! Mkay, know that song that Johnny Depp sings to his razor blades about how they're his friends?
JDepp: *singing and caressing the blade (which is shorter than a sword and more easily...wielded)* ...my friend...
Sarah: I WILL NOT INTERPRET THIS THE WRONG WAY! I WILL NOT TAKE THIS OUT OF CONTEXT! I WILL N--- oh shit, I did.
Yeah. There were convulsions of a spazztastic nature. You had to be there, because this does not do it justice. Oh, the number of times the actors looked like they were about to break down and DISCO!
Yeah, speaking of justice? ALAN RICKMAN, HOLY SHIT, WTF WAS UP WITH YOUR TIGHTS?! I WILL NEVER SEE SNAPE THE SAME WAY AGAIN! Admittedly, brightgoldspandexpanty!Snape is a heck of a lot funnier than normal!Snape, but still. Still, fuck the panties, nothing ever beats Alan Rickman singing (goldpanties!singing!Snape FTW!). Ever.
MY FAVOURITE PART:
Johnny Depp with his razor about to shave Alan Rickman, and they're singing! Together! The same song! IN A FREAKING CHORUS! And then Alan Rickman starts going "ba ba ba ba de dee do bopbop badedop bumbumbumbumbumbum" while Depp is whistling, and I nearly exploded, I swear. It was SO GOOD XD
Another thing I liked? The song "Johanna" sung by that kid named Anthony. He was cute in a street rat kind of way. But he had the voice of an angel, and him and the girl were so cute together, and why the heck was there no resolution on that part?!
No, so then, let's talk about voices and actors, etc. I just could not take this movie seriously because Johnny Depp's voice doesn't change from how it sounds in PotC, so basically, it was like Captain Jack singing about killing people with razor blades, and stuff like that. LOL. Then, Alan Rickman's voice was the sexiest part of the movie. It rivaled Johnny Depp's pants, it really did. It was basically Snape there being all sexy (in very unsexy gold tights, may I add), and I kind of melted then and there. Guh. Alan Rickman, this puddle of goo applauds you heartily.
So basically, a summary of the film: Jack Sparrow and some kid (not Will) sail a sihhp to London whereupon the kid is all cute and jack starts singing about people who are full of shit. Then he goes away to meet a cool punk/victorian goth chick who helps him get revenge on the rich guys by killing them. He ruined a lot of nice shirts that way, lemme tell ya. Anyway, so streetkid goes and falls in love with helium!girl, aka Johanna, Jack's daughter. She's Snape's ward* and his henchman is Wormtail (ye gods, did tim burton read HP6 or what?). So meanwhile, Jack has all his emo!angry fits of emoness and shit, and then he decides to kill Wormtail and Snape because he H8S THM AL OMFGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!1!eleventy-one. He practices on other rich dudes, and Girl says hey, meat is expensive, why don't I just grind up the bodies and use them for mince pies? Duh. Her pastries become famous. The cutest kid in the world joins the Gang (Jack+Girl) and he's so cute and innocent that you *know* he's gonna be horribly scarred by the end of this film, even if they don't show it. So eventually Jack gets to kill Snape (Sarah dies inside) and the Boy gets horrifically scarred seeing the dead bodies tumble onto the floor. During the death os Snape, Jack's also managed to kill a hobo later revealed to be his wife. Then he flies into a fit of rage that causes him to do a waltz with the Girl before shoving him into a furnace. He does, however, refrain from murdering his own daughter (Sarah gives him bonus points), but only because the poor Boy had to slit Jack's throat with a razor anyway. There is no resolution between Johanna and Anthony. BUT THEY TOTALLY GET TOGETHER OFFSCREEN!!!!!!!
Also, Johnny Depp is fucking scary when he's angry. I know he was just acting or whatever, but fuck, I was petrified, and he wasn't even angry at me. I was so scared.
I did not approve of the goryness of this film, but that's just me, so I accept it. But honestly, why kill Snape *again*? Just wait for JKR to do it, why don't you? I can't wait for bloopers of this film.
The best way to watch a movie is to substitute other characters the actors have played into the film. instead of Judge Turpin wearing golden spandex panties, it's Severus Snape. Instead of Sweeny Todd gutting people like fish while singing, it's Jack Sparrow. Makes for a rather hilarious twist, IMHO.
So, in conclusion, this was a fucking spectacualr film because of the costumes, the cast, and the spazz attacks caused by the aforementioned factors. Fucking brilliant.
SPOILERS FOR SWEENY TODD!!!!!!!!
