this is the sort of thing you always figure will happen to somebody else

[bitchy_merlin]

This week has been so surreal. First Q comes back, and then today at 9:37 I find out that my great aunt has been hit and killed by a ... garbage truck.

What. The. Fuck?
(It was in the paper this morning, too. And on the radio last night. Apparently the police were asking for people to identify her body. Someone did, I guess, and then Grandpa got a call and it unfolded from there.)

So now instead of having a Thanksgiving dinner, we're going to a visitation. I've been going through the whole day in kind of a haze: Yes, ok, do math pages 16 and 17 and by the way Aunty N is dead-- Bio notes, homework #1-4 Aunty N got killed-- has been pretty much my train of thought for the past twelve hours. I can't actually believe it. I mean, I was never really that close to her (or any of the extended family), but this is just horrible.  Especially for  my cousins, S, M, and P. N was their grandma. She was April's mom.

And now she's fucking dead.

It must be really hard for April, because she never even got to say goodbye. The hell, Life?

I admit, I'm a selfish bitch. I didn't want to have the relatives over for Thanksgiving because I knew it would be embarrassing and awkward, but I never, never wanted this to happen. I never imagined this would happen. Jesus fucking Christ. I don't believe it.

I-I just... god I don't know. I really hope S is ok. The visitation I am really not looking forward to, but I guess- I mean... it's what you do for family, isn't it? Be there? I've never really considered the relatives family, but it's never too late, right? Because this changed the way I think and feel about them. I hope it's not too late.

A garbage truck!

More Saturday, after the visitation.