bitchy_merlin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bitchy_merlin) wrote2012-08-13 04:10 am
bitchy_merlin) wrote2012-08-13 04:10 am
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DEAR SELF I HATE YOU
NO LOVE, SARAH
*breathing heavily*
*yells* I AM A PIECE OF SHIT! I AM AWFUL! I AM A WORTHLESS, USELESS, PATHETIC CREATURE NOT FIT FOR HUMAN COMPANY!
I am trying to concentrate on a dozen things, but I keep getting distracted by the heinous crime that is my existence. Every breath I take is a blasphemy against everything that is good and decent in this world. My mind is frozen and stuck because I am ugly, ugly, ugly. I hate myself. I can feel my fat everywhere, clinging and suffocating me. It's hideous. I'm hideous. I'm a disgusting, awful waste of a person. I can't even bear to look at myself - the sight of my body in the mirror makes me burst into tears - I'm so ugly, I DON'T EVEN LOOK HUMAN!
I can't shout this post into existence; if I could, my voice would be raw from screaming (a guttural sound to match my giant guts).
I feel the constant need to apologize for my existence and my appearance. I'm sorry for being such an offending sight, I want to say. I want to apologize to my dad for being so ugly. You deserve a better daughter than me. I am sorry that my ugliness brings you shame. I'm sorry I'm so fat. I'm sorry I failed.
I keep thinking that if I could just hurt myself enough, suffer enough, maybe it would be better. Maybe I could make up for all these excess calories, for my flaws, if I could just cause myself enough pain. Because I am ugly, despicable, vile, worthless, and such a wretched creature as I am deserves to suffer. But it's not enough and it will never be enough; there is not enough pain in the world to remedy this (me).
DEAR SELF, NO ONE WILL EVER HATE YOU AS MUCH AS I DO. SINCERELY, SARAH
NO LOVE, SARAH
*breathing heavily*
*yells* I AM A PIECE OF SHIT! I AM AWFUL! I AM A WORTHLESS, USELESS, PATHETIC CREATURE NOT FIT FOR HUMAN COMPANY!
I am trying to concentrate on a dozen things, but I keep getting distracted by the heinous crime that is my existence. Every breath I take is a blasphemy against everything that is good and decent in this world. My mind is frozen and stuck because I am ugly, ugly, ugly. I hate myself. I can feel my fat everywhere, clinging and suffocating me. It's hideous. I'm hideous. I'm a disgusting, awful waste of a person. I can't even bear to look at myself - the sight of my body in the mirror makes me burst into tears - I'm so ugly, I DON'T EVEN LOOK HUMAN!
I can't shout this post into existence; if I could, my voice would be raw from screaming (a guttural sound to match my giant guts).
I feel the constant need to apologize for my existence and my appearance. I'm sorry for being such an offending sight, I want to say. I want to apologize to my dad for being so ugly. You deserve a better daughter than me. I am sorry that my ugliness brings you shame. I'm sorry I'm so fat. I'm sorry I failed.
I keep thinking that if I could just hurt myself enough, suffer enough, maybe it would be better. Maybe I could make up for all these excess calories, for my flaws, if I could just cause myself enough pain. Because I am ugly, despicable, vile, worthless, and such a wretched creature as I am deserves to suffer. But it's not enough and it will never be enough; there is not enough pain in the world to remedy this (me).
DEAR SELF, NO ONE WILL EVER HATE YOU AS MUCH AS I DO. SINCERELY, SARAH