(no subject)

There are no words yet invented in the English language, nor in any other that I know that can accurately describe how COMPLETELY FUCKING TERRIBLE I feel about myself and my unending cowardice right now.

It's been the only thing on my mind ever since I woke up today. I am a continuous raw, writhing mass of emotions. Why wasn't I brave enough? He was holding my hand! Why didn't I turn around?!

I really fucking hate myself.