bitchy_merlin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bitchy_merlin) wrote2010-11-24 10:52 pm
bitchy_merlin) wrote2010-11-24 10:52 pm
Entry tags:
When will the nightmare be over? I want to wake up.
I think I say this a lot, but that's because I mean it: I don't think I've ever been so stressed out in my life. I have two major projects due by next week: a French essay comparing Pascal's writing in his Pensees to the classical aesthetic, and a German group oral project. Guess what our topic is for that? The Reformation of Protestantism in Germany WHICH I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS. THIS IS AN INTRO GERMAN COURSE, AND I SOMEHOW MANAGED TO FIND THE ONE DUDE WHO'S DOING HIS EFFING MASTER'S THESIS ON GERMAN HISTORY OR SMTHG. I have to a) explain how Luther's translation of the Holy Bible from Greek into German changed German religion forever and b) make it funny for three minutes. FUCK. MY. LIFE. Not even me, I'm just worried that I'm going to botch the presentation/script writing and he's going to think I'm an idiot.
Dance on top of this, too. I would give my right arm and probably a kidney to be able to go home this weekend, but I can't because Mini is next Friday and I need to rehearse. I love dance, but I have it Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday of this weekend/next week, and it doesn't make schoolwork any easier.
Right, ok, and the shit going on with my family isn't making this any easier. I am so stressed. All the time. I constantly feel like crying, and just, fuck, I wish I could fix it. It's driving me crazy.
To top off this lovely cornucopia, I think I am developing my mother's hypochondriac tendencies. My scalp was really itchy today, and I'm trying to stay calm and say it's probably just dandruff in response to the ridiculous temperature fluctuations, but I keep getting interrupted by long, panicky trains of thought that start off with "But what if..." and end up something like "AND THEN ALL MY STUFF WILL HAVE TO BE FUMIGATED IN THE MIDDLE OF EXAM PERIOD AND IT WILL BE RIDIC EXPENSIVE AND I WILL BE AWFUL AND MOM AND DAD WILL BE DISAPPOINTED AND I WILL FAIL ALL MY EXAMS AND NEVER GET INTO GRAD SCHOOL AND WE WILL ALL GO BROKE AND DIE"
...Shit, I'm tearing up again just thinking about this. FUCK IT I'M CRYING AUGH. I HATE THIS . I HATE THIS SO MUCH. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME ALND FIND OUT ALL OF THIS WAS A DREAM I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS ALONE.why can't i stop crying fuck
i think i need to talk to someone about this i'm so stupid and awful
but can't call anyone becuase it's almost eleven and my aprents are asleep.
miserable wretched creature
Dance on top of this, too. I would give my right arm and probably a kidney to be able to go home this weekend, but I can't because Mini is next Friday and I need to rehearse. I love dance, but I have it Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday of this weekend/next week, and it doesn't make schoolwork any easier.
Right, ok, and the shit going on with my family isn't making this any easier. I am so stressed. All the time. I constantly feel like crying, and just, fuck, I wish I could fix it. It's driving me crazy.
To top off this lovely cornucopia, I think I am developing my mother's hypochondriac tendencies. My scalp was really itchy today, and I'm trying to stay calm and say it's probably just dandruff in response to the ridiculous temperature fluctuations, but I keep getting interrupted by long, panicky trains of thought that start off with "But what if..." and end up something like "AND THEN ALL MY STUFF WILL HAVE TO BE FUMIGATED IN THE MIDDLE OF EXAM PERIOD AND IT WILL BE RIDIC EXPENSIVE AND I WILL BE AWFUL AND MOM AND DAD WILL BE DISAPPOINTED AND I WILL FAIL ALL MY EXAMS AND NEVER GET INTO GRAD SCHOOL AND WE WILL ALL GO BROKE AND DIE"
...Shit, I'm tearing up again just thinking about this. FUCK IT I'M CRYING AUGH. I HATE THIS . I HATE THIS SO MUCH. I JUST WANT TO GO HOME ALND FIND OUT ALL OF THIS WAS A DREAM I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS ALONE.why can't i stop crying fuck
i think i need to talk to someone about this i'm so stupid and awful
but can't call anyone becuase it's almost eleven and my aprents are asleep.
miserable wretched creature