bitchy_merlin | happy one month unemployment anniversary you useless slob

Friday evening: Frank comes out as gender dysphoric if not trans. Announces plan to lose weight. I have an anxiety attack, freak out, rush to my room and hurt myself desperately.

Yeah, coping.

And that moment... (Jamie, this is yours)

when you want to tell someone about what's been going on but you don't want to burden them with your petty emotions when they're going through arguably worse shit of their own

and you really, really want to be there for them but you can't think of a better way to ask them than "what's been going on" and that's not at all subtle and the absolute last thing you want to do is freak them out - which is why you're not talking about your problems in the first place even though you want to, even though the words are practically bursting from your lips everytime - and jesus christ all i want to do is talk to you, to you specifically but you're like the one person i cannot do that to, you are not an inexhaustible emotional resource, especially since your coping strategies are arguably more volatile than mine, and i feel like i am leaning on you already too much i feel like i'm using you as a comfort blanket when you are actually a human being with needs and desires of your own, none of which i can help you fulfill and i don't know how to ask if you're okay without making it sound like i know something you don't and i'm scared for you, i'm scared for you both

i'll be happy when i'm dead or i'll be numb which is the same thing