i am a warped canvas

[bitchy_merlin]

This is the first time I have ever asked myself if I have a reason to get up in the morning. I ate pretty much an entire box of cereal tonight; I'm ashamed. I don't want to have to wake up tomorrow and try - again - to work it all off only to repeat the whole stupid cycle. I can finally talk to a counselor on Monday, but I'm so tired. I'm so frustrated with myself. How do I explain this? How do I explain the bitter, grey, soul-consuming weariness and beneath that, the utterly sick, inescapable, rock-solid certainty that I will never be good enough for anyone? Fucking fucking fucking fuck.