Dec. 18th, 2015

Sometimes i have to consciously remind myself that other people's emotions are not games.

But there's a scared primal psrt of me that just loves playing to win.

My dad was being snappy at me over text and saying stuff i know he'll regret when he looks at it later. So instead of engaging, i straight up apologized which is gonna make him feel guilty for ragging on me and part of me says it was an adult move and part of me gets a sick satisfaction out of it.

I also finally unfriended my ex on twitter insta and fb. Like she tweeted abt twisting the knife and i have been shitty to her but this is a p foolproof way to protect her against any otherimpulses i might have to contact her. Idk i felt like i was censoring myself a lot over the course of our relationship and of course there were amazing parts and i love her but i didn't feel secure and i was bad at communicating so i think this was for the best (it hurts like all hell tho).

But I'm trying to stay positive. I know the holidays will probably be pretty hard with everything that's happened this year, but there are still amazing things in my life that I'm thankful for. For example, Nastassia and I met up yesterday after like six yrs of not seeing each other and we talked and laughed for three hours, it was fantastic. And Kate is coming for New Year's, and ST invited me out to her bf's bday - so things are, like, happening. I'm really happy and grateful to be reconnecting with people and forming a life in this city again.



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