tw: suicide attempt (not mine) )

From my Queen'sU inbox this morning:

February 27, 2012

Congratulations!  We are delighted to offer you a Residence Don position for the upcoming 2012-2013 academic year.  This selection was based on your application, references, and performance in the group and personal interview.  We look forward to seeing your contributions in creating strong communities in our residences.

HOLY SHIT, I'M NOT WORTHLESS!
;ALKDSFJ;ASLDKFA; I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL RN A;LSDKFJA;LSKDFJ

ON THE ONE HAND, I AM REALLY HAPPY BECAUSE I JUST ATE SUSHI FROM THE BLUE KITCHEN AND IT WAS LOVELY AND THE PEOPLE WERE AWESOME, AND I'M GETTING TO KNOW* THE NEW PEOPLE HERE, AND THEY SEEM REALLY NICE AND I THINK WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME TOGETHER

BUT

BUT

BUT

OTOH, TAMAS, JOANNA, AGNIESZKA, MILENA AND PAVOL ALL LEFT TODAY; ONLY FRANCOIS AND MICKEY ARE LEFT IN ALBERTINE NOW AND I AM SO SAD, AND I MISS EVERYONE WHO LEFT AND JUST WHY CAN'T THEY ALL COME BACK AND WE CAN ALL LIVE TOGETHER FOREVER SOB SOB SOB


emotional deluge under the cut )
In Finnish: Hyvää Joulua! 

We just got back from Hanna's grandparents' place, where, in true grandparent style, we were plied with all sorts of delicious Finnish Christmas food (I took pictures of every dish - all will be up on DUTCH MY LIFE once I have access to my laptop again). We had rice porridge (delicous!) and fruit stew, pulla (little balls of sweetbread), jouluutorttu (flaky pastries filled with plum jam), taatelikakku (date cake) and rahkapulla (cream-filled sweetbread with lemon and raisins). I also learned how to say "thank you" - kiitos

Hanna's family was there: her siblings came with their children (adroable!). Her whole family is apparetly coming over to her house tonight, so I will get to meet even more Finnish people (and fail to communicate, due to the language barrier - but I have developed he general strategy of thanking everyone copiously and smiling all the time - seems to have worked so far...)

Can't really believe it's actually Christmas, though! I donät know where the time went! But last night, we decorated the Christmas tree, and today, we laid out the presents under it (literally a mountian of them - feels just like home!). I hope Hanna and her family like the gifts I brought- I'm thankful that the Gluhwein survived the trip here. 

Suffice to say, life is quite exciting at the moment, and I feel so lucky and blessed to be able to celebrate Christmas with Hanna and her family - not that I don't miss mine, but seriously, this is something special! :D 

HYVÄÄ JOULUA TO EVERYONE :D 
WHY IS IT 2:30 A;LSKDJFAL;SK.

ESSAYS SHOULD JUST DIE IN A FIRE RIGHT NOW. ALL AT ONCE. I just need to get this rough draft out. I just need to get this rough draft out.

(Because how else can I indulge guilt-free in the Sinterklaas party on Tuesday and - hopefully - the ESN Christmas party on Wednesday? ;p)

To Do Later Today:
- wrap Jamie's Sinterklaas present
- write the accompanying Sinterklaas poem

Nürnberg

Dec. 4th, 2011 08:48 pm
I HAVE BEEN TO GERMANY!

Well, technically it's been a week since I was in Germany (and if you want to get reaaaally nitpicky about it, I've been in Germany once before, to visit Tante Freidl - but I was in grade four then, so that doesn't count for these purposes), but I'm just getting to the post now, because a) there's a lot to process and b) NO TIME OMG.

Let's start the journey!
Nuremberg, part 1 )
PART 2

*He's also famous for writing the Mare Liberum, among other things, which formed the basis for international law. But he's most famous for the escape he orchestrated, involving his wife, a book chest, and a serving girl.
I still can't believe this place. I still don't understand how this - any of this - is real. I'm still grappling with the fact that with one plane trip - literally, from August 28th to August 29th - life can change so drastically. Groningen is amazing. The people I live with are amazing. Everything is amazing and I am constantly in awe (and I know, I know, give it a few weeks and see what I'm saying then, but right now I'm living in this crazy happy bubble and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.)

In the two weeks since I've been in Groningen, I've met people from all over the world. I'm making plans to visit places I've only ever known as names on a map - if that. One of my friends, Hanna, is from Finland, and has graciously mentioned invites to her home near Christmas time. Apparently they can hunt moose there by the light of the Northern lights! There are jokes going around about Oktoberfest in Munich, which I am so, so down for. It's crazy.

And that's probably the most extravagant experience for me: I am surrounded by people - and it's awesome. Over the last two weeks, I've been talking to people, connecting with them, initiating and carrying on conversations - and it's been fun! I never knew just being with people could be this enjoyable; is this what normal people feel like all the time? Even though school is already in full swing (I read three chapters of my Industrial-Organizational Psychology textbook this weekend and I have an oral presentation due on Thursday), I'm able to sit with people and just chill, relax, without stressing about projects or deadlines. I'm actively seeking social contact, which is so novel for me that I'm having a hard time believing it myself. This is so different from anything I'm used to; I smile at people in the mornings, say hi to them, even just sit quietly as they talk around me, all of us just doing our own thing - it feels like acceptance, community, and it's such a completely addictive feeling. How have I never experienced this before? It's so liberating, and I never imagined it could be like this.

P.S.: DUTCH MY LIFE
Exams: 3/5*

Dear body:

WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Stop dying on me! Exams aren't done yet, you cannot keep collapsing all over the place halfway through the day. I require the ability to complete sentences until Thursday at 5pm! I have to study like a mofo for French and Biopsyc, and that is dependent upon your ability to continuously maintain adequate muscle tension and to actually concentrate for more than 30 seconds at a time! This zoning out business has got to stop.

No love,
Sarah

a;sdlfjasdklf I am going to fail all the things. I am panicking now, but I cannot concentrate enough to study, which is new and unsettling. Thoughts start forming in my mind and then before I can complete them, they get obscured by white noise. So dumb.

As long as I can make it til Thursday, all will be forgiven.

*Exams I have a shot at passing: 0/5
Things My French Prof Talks About: a) the multiple stories within Jacques le fataliste, b) the quarrels, setbacks and conflicts that surrounded Diderot's work on L'Encyclopédie of 1751-72.

What I Choose To Do With That Knowledge: This. Posted a while ago on tumblr, but on here for posterity, because if you're looking for my stupid, you should be able to find it all in one place.

Not to mention, the following, being a ridiculous, completely historically inaccurate thing I wrote down while I should have been paying attention to a discussion about theater or something.

(Just going to preface the cut with the disclaimer that a) I know nothing about screenwriting; b)SO MUCH HISTORICAL INACCURACY because I can't be bothered to look up dates for these events; c) this is, actually, the most random thing EVER, sorry.)
d) franglais is totally an official language, wtf are you talking about? )

...I also wrote something down about a prompt for a prison!au-thing, based on Rousseau visiting Diderot while he was in prison* (and Diderot possibly subsequently influencing EVERYTHING ROUSSEAU DID, EVER (if you ask my prof)), but I think that will have to wait until I find the magical place where a kink meme for 18th century French writers/philosophes actually, y'know, exists.

*I live in fear of the day anyone asks to borrow my french notes. "What's this?" "Oh, that's, um. Just a bit of porn I wrote about Diderot getting it on with Voltaire. NBD."

ETA: Oh my GOD, dear flist D,,,,:  *HUGS*
Uhhhgggghhh, this day.

Iboring stuff is boring. )

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