What's that, you say? The first weekend back on campus, you say? Too many self-destructive feelings right now, you say?

I have razorblades in my room? Okay.

...

I definitely did not mean to do that. OOPS.
(But after all this, what's one more scar?)
DEAR SELF I HATE YOU
NO LOVE, SARAH

*breathing heavily*

self-loathing )

Raw Words

Jul. 31st, 2012 04:29 am

I just needed to put this somewhere other than my head for a while. There will be posts not dedicated to wangst! Just... not quite yet.

I'm getting a headstart on the mental health/body image issues this year... #overachiever :-/ )

(and two weeks, two weeks until I go back to Kingston for Don Training and then it will be September and I will be insured and I will finally be able to talk about this to someone who at least gets paid to put up with my shit)


Exams: 3/5*

Dear body:

WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Stop dying on me! Exams aren't done yet, you cannot keep collapsing all over the place halfway through the day. I require the ability to complete sentences until Thursday at 5pm! I have to study like a mofo for French and Biopsyc, and that is dependent upon your ability to continuously maintain adequate muscle tension and to actually concentrate for more than 30 seconds at a time! This zoning out business has got to stop.

No love,
Sarah

a;sdlfjasdklf I am going to fail all the things. I am panicking now, but I cannot concentrate enough to study, which is new and unsettling. Thoughts start forming in my mind and then before I can complete them, they get obscured by white noise. So dumb.

As long as I can make it til Thursday, all will be forgiven.

*Exams I have a shot at passing: 0/5
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL BRB FAILING AT LIFE FOREVER~ FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF WORST INTERVIEW OF LIIIIIFFFFEEEEEEEEEEE OMG WHY AM I ALLOWED TO GO ON EXISTING, I DONUT GET IT.

*headdesk forever*
*picks self up off the floor*

*tentatively tries to reattach all the broken bits*

*fails*

...

...

...

Did that just happen? Oyyy, and here I was thinking that abnormal psyc got better in the second semester. WHOOPS, GUESS NOT. :/ IDK if I am just being the "wronged woman" here, but was there a single question on there that actually pertained to, oh, I dunno, anything in the lectures?!

*while studying*
Sarah: "I totally got this!"

*reading first question*
Sarah: "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU brb getting steamrolled by a multiple choice exam, oh fail"

Hurg.

Anyway, the notes must go on; LJ-therapy break over, time to tackle... BIOPSYCH! Noooooooooooooooooo
HGNH.
Cut for boring IRL bits )

AWESOME MISCELLANY (if by miscellany, you mean fanfic, and I do*): LET US SHARE ALL THE THINGS!
1. [livejournal.com profile] copperbadge  has written THIS aka Bankrobber aka the most epic White Collar story EVER. Peter/Elizabeth, R, VERY, VERY AWESOME, you should all check it out.
2. ALSO THIS VID. HOMG JANUARY PLEASE GET HERE ALREADY SO THAT I MAY CAPSLOCK AND FLAIL AND DIE OVER WHITE COLLAR SOME MORE, K?
3. FOR BBC!SHERLOCK PEEPS: [livejournal.com profile] blind_author  is THE SHIT and has started Semper Fidelis, which BLOWS MY MIND. Well, there's only one part so far, but ;LKjdf;lasdjf;laksdf;la GO NOW AND READ IT. GO. IT IS AMAZING. I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE MADE ACTUAL KEENING NOISES AT THE SCREEN AS I READ.

*SHOEBOX, AS ALWAYS. Because there will never be a time when SBP does not OWN ALL THE THINGS.

EDIT OH MY GOD IN A HATBOX: CILLIAN MURPHY AND TOM HARDY DISCUSS DOING DRAG. "LET'S HAVE A DRAG-OFF!" ADSF;ALSDFKJAS;LDKJTALSJTA;LSDJFPASDFJ;ALSDJFALSDFJAJSDIOJ OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THESE MENNNNNN WHAT EVENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD BRB DYING OF JOY~
1. DAMN YOU, YAHOO, Y U NO LET ME BE GRATE?????

a;sdkfj;alsdf Y U GOTTA B LIKE DIS? Shutting down delicious = NOT ON BRO. D-:<<<<<

Brb, exporting all the things.

2. Iqra left this morning, which means the house is now in the process of being CLEANED FINALLY OMG. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF brb surrendering to OCD-like tendencies. Also, Kim came over today and we made cookies and hot chocolate, OM NOM NOM NOM. ♥

3. It's been one year, and I am stupidly, ridiculously, un-fucking-believably grateful. Can't even express.

DEAR SELF:

Dec. 1st, 2010 05:09 pm
THE UNICEF MEETING IS HALF AN HOUR. HALF A FUCKING HOUR. IT WILL NOT TAKE UP ALL OF YOUR TIME; IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. SO GO PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT ALREADY, GDI.

Anyway, you'll be done the French essay by tomorrow. That's what four in the morning is for.
The good news: things have happened since the last post! The bad news: most of them were shitty. Although there was breakdancing (b-girling?) which kind of MADE MY LIFE. Unfortunately, that was only for one hour and didn't really counterbalance the other stuff, but every little bit helps.

I don't think you're ever a hundred percent in the room )

TL;DR: Housemate issues, social apathy, academic pessimism.

Our rugby Quarter-finals took place today at Sunnybrook Park.

 

We played Birchmount.

 

We played phenomenally.

 

We fucking lost.

 

 

Cut for angst. It comes in buckets. )

 

Well, fuck that.

We lost.
Come forth, Lazarus. And he came fifth and lost the job )

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

But. I would give that goal back if it meant we had won the game.





I AM OF THE OPINION THAT I NEED SOMETHING PORTABLE, DURABLE, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, HEAVY THAT I CAN CARRY WITH ME AT ALL TIMES AND USE TO BEAT MYSELF OVER THE HEAD WITH WHENEVER I HAVE INAPPROPRIATE THOUGHTS.

WHICH IS ALWAYS.
>.<

WHY SO FAIL?


In terms of other topics, I've had an OUAC tab open for the past half hour and have yet to actually do anything with it. Which programs? Which universities? What do I want to do with my life? *brainsplodey*

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