Raw Words

Jul. 31st, 2012 04:29 am

I just needed to put this somewhere other than my head for a while. There will be posts not dedicated to wangst! Just... not quite yet.

I'm getting a headstart on the mental health/body image issues this year... #overachiever :-/ )

(and two weeks, two weeks until I go back to Kingston for Don Training and then it will be September and I will be insured and I will finally be able to talk about this to someone who at least gets paid to put up with my shit)


;ALKDSFJ;ASLDKFA; I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL RN A;LSDKFJA;LSKDFJ

ON THE ONE HAND, I AM REALLY HAPPY BECAUSE I JUST ATE SUSHI FROM THE BLUE KITCHEN AND IT WAS LOVELY AND THE PEOPLE WERE AWESOME, AND I'M GETTING TO KNOW* THE NEW PEOPLE HERE, AND THEY SEEM REALLY NICE AND I THINK WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME TOGETHER

BUT

BUT

BUT

OTOH, TAMAS, JOANNA, AGNIESZKA, MILENA AND PAVOL ALL LEFT TODAY; ONLY FRANCOIS AND MICKEY ARE LEFT IN ALBERTINE NOW AND I AM SO SAD, AND I MISS EVERYONE WHO LEFT AND JUST WHY CAN'T THEY ALL COME BACK AND WE CAN ALL LIVE TOGETHER FOREVER SOB SOB SOB


emotional deluge under the cut )
Exams: 3/5*

Dear body:

WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Stop dying on me! Exams aren't done yet, you cannot keep collapsing all over the place halfway through the day. I require the ability to complete sentences until Thursday at 5pm! I have to study like a mofo for French and Biopsyc, and that is dependent upon your ability to continuously maintain adequate muscle tension and to actually concentrate for more than 30 seconds at a time! This zoning out business has got to stop.

No love,
Sarah

a;sdlfjasdklf I am going to fail all the things. I am panicking now, but I cannot concentrate enough to study, which is new and unsettling. Thoughts start forming in my mind and then before I can complete them, they get obscured by white noise. So dumb.

As long as I can make it til Thursday, all will be forgiven.

*Exams I have a shot at passing: 0/5
Well, that was an eventful weekend! Not all in good ways, unfortunately, but c'est la vie. To be fair, everything but the ending was fantastic.

#OHDEER )

I'm trying really hard not to freak out about things, but I had my day planned out today, and I'm really fucking pissed at the money, and I feel awful cause all I've done this weekend is eat like a fucking pig and just. Fuck.

But for the most part, the weekend was awesome, and it was really nice to see Fatima and meet her housemates and everything. So. I'm glad I got to go.

***

ETA: I am back from work, and semi-caught up with my study schedule. It'll have to do.

ETA2: OH FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, I JUST REALIZED I STILL HAVE NOWHERE TO LIVE NEXT YEAR A;SDLFKA;SK FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ok that's it, kicking myself off the internet before I actually go crazy.
Holler and to all those who celebrate it, merry Christmas Eve eve! :D December 24th was always my favourite day of the year, for a whole host of reasons. Not only do we get to hang out with the "German" relatives*, but we get turkey with Dad's mashed potatoes**, Oma's cookies for dessert, presents from the relatives, and, best of all, we get the breathless anticipation of knowing that if we're good, Santa will come overnight and leave presents under the Christmas tree.*** The waiting is half the reward, TBH. Not being little anymore is a bit saddening this time of year, but the other perks make up for it. Mostly.

Um, but this post is mainly to ask a question! I know this journal gets minimal traffic at best, but I would really appreciate your answers! The question is basically this: how do you deal with people when you're upset with them?
TL;DR under the cut. In other news, I am still fourteen. )

Anyway, tl;dr (kudos if you made it through that without giving up in disgust/throwing stuff at the screen btw), HOW DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN A MATURE FASHION ARRRGH?


*I have mentally divided my extended family into two sides. My dad's side, consisting of my Oma, my uncle and aunt, and my COUSINS!!!!1, I call the "Germans". My mom's side, consisting of... everyone else (grandparents, uncles, aunts, second-cousins, great-uncles/aunts, third/fourth-degree relatives, etc. etc.) are, collectively, the "Asians". TURRIBLE STEREOTYPING IS TERRIBLE. Sit here and watch me not give a shit.

** OM NOM NOM NOM.

***I still like to leave out milk and cookies.
HGNH.
Cut for boring IRL bits )

AWESOME MISCELLANY (if by miscellany, you mean fanfic, and I do*): LET US SHARE ALL THE THINGS!
1. [livejournal.com profile] copperbadge  has written THIS aka Bankrobber aka the most epic White Collar story EVER. Peter/Elizabeth, R, VERY, VERY AWESOME, you should all check it out.
2. ALSO THIS VID. HOMG JANUARY PLEASE GET HERE ALREADY SO THAT I MAY CAPSLOCK AND FLAIL AND DIE OVER WHITE COLLAR SOME MORE, K?
3. FOR BBC!SHERLOCK PEEPS: [livejournal.com profile] blind_author  is THE SHIT and has started Semper Fidelis, which BLOWS MY MIND. Well, there's only one part so far, but ;LKjdf;lasdjf;laksdf;la GO NOW AND READ IT. GO. IT IS AMAZING. I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE MADE ACTUAL KEENING NOISES AT THE SCREEN AS I READ.

*SHOEBOX, AS ALWAYS. Because there will never be a time when SBP does not OWN ALL THE THINGS.

EDIT OH MY GOD IN A HATBOX: CILLIAN MURPHY AND TOM HARDY DISCUSS DOING DRAG. "LET'S HAVE A DRAG-OFF!" ADSF;ALSDFKJAS;LDKJTALSJTA;LSDJFPASDFJ;ALSDJFALSDFJAJSDIOJ OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THESE MENNNNNN WHAT EVENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD BRB DYING OF JOY~
1) Just got back from a lovely weekend in Niagara-on-the-Lake with vexinglyverbose and mod_martha. We shopped, swam, and ate awesome food. Last night, we went to see An Ideal Husband as part of the Shaw Festival. IT WAS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. And I wasn't even all that into seeing it in the first place. The tickets weren't exactly what you'd call cheap, so I was not too happy about spending that money, but I am so glad we went, because that was the most fantastic play I've ever had the pleasure of watching. The actors were terrific; the costumes were completely stunning, and, I mean, it's Oscar Wilde. What more can you ask for? What surprised me most about the play - more than the witty and intelligent writing, and the vivacity of the characters - was how thoroughly entertained I was throughout. I'm not a theater geek in any sense of the word, so I was like "eh, I will probably not be too enthralled by this" - BUT NO. I was completely taken from the opening act, and it was just FULL OF FABULOUS. ;ALSDJASLDKN;ASKLDJT SO MUCH LOVE FOR THAT PLAY. SO MUCH. ♥

2) I Have A Lot Of Feelings Questions: A Very Bitter Whiny Rant About My Education (Sorry for the Misplaced Commas)
Ok, someone please enlighten me because I cannot, for the life of me, understand this phenomenon. I am a generally mild-mannered university student. I go to Queen's University. I am planning to major in Psychology. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?! Every time I talk to someone about my degree, there is always this undertone of "what the fuck, why would you choose psychology?". There's always a pause after that, like I'm supposed to say "Surprise! Jokes - I'm actually going into bio/history/philosophy/acupuncture", and the other person will laugh, and all will be well. I will be the first to admit: I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS. Whenever I tell anyone that I'm interested in psychology, I feel pressured to justify that interest. What can I say? I like knowing how the mind works. I like introspection. Why should I apologize for that? I'm majoring in it because I am interested in it - why is that so horrible?! 

Person: "So Sarah, what are you studying?"
Sarah: "Well, I'm majoring in Psychology--"
Person: "Oh, there's a psychologist here, can I leave the table now?"
(ACTUALFAX from this afternoon.)

Not to be impolite but what the fuck? I don't understand what's going on. What evil menace awaits in fourth year psyc? How is my degree worth less than that of someone who is going into Medieval Studies? Why does studying psychology make it sound like there's something wrong with me? It's my undergrad: no one's going to look at it after I've gotten my Master's, yet it feels like people are automatically writing me off because of it. It's gotten to the point that I don't like talking about my degree because I feel like I should be ashamed of it. And, trust, when you're spending this much money on something, you want it to be something you're not ashamed of.

Am I just projecting this? It's completely possible. (But I sure wasn't projecting the above conversation.) Is there some critical element of a BA in psyc that I have just failed to grasp? My mom majored in Psyc, and she turned out pretty well*. I'm just trying to do the same.

This shit just makes me want to say fuck it and enroll in one of those fancy-schmancy joint MBA/JD programs so that I won't have to continually justify myself, and people can finally shut up about my major.

TL;DR: Sarah whines about her degree; abuses question marks.

*This is a bit of an understatement. I love you, Mom.
OH MY GOD I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE LIFE SOMETIMES.

ARRGH.

I just got called up by an acquaintance who wasted half an hour of my time asking for advice on how not to enter into a relationship with some girl because he wants to "keep [his] options open". And I get that that's seen as a legitimate concern in university by some. But get this. He and I don't speak often at all, and his motive for calling me of all people? "Because you're a girl." Oh, sorry. I must have missed the part where MY VAGINA MAGICALLY DICTATES WHAT I KNOW.

Fuck.

But really, the worst part isn't that. The worst part is me, because I didn't correct him when he said that. The worst part is me because I let him keep talking at me, even though I had nothing of value to say; even though I was frankly insulted as to why he called.

So now I'm angry at him because of his assumptions that "oh, you're a girl, you know how to do this"; and I'm completely ashamed of myself for not standing up to his implications and doing something about it, and just grrrrrrrr at life right now.
DDDDDDDDD''''''''''''':

I AM LIKE

ONLY WITH MORE SOBBING AND LESS TRIUMPHANT!EVAN.


OH ANNA. OH EVAN. MY HEART IS BREAKING FOR YOU BOTH.
GDIAF NICOLE YOU FAKE SLORE
(I cannot believe I am like this over a *reality tv show*, but THEY WERE ADORABLE, OK.)



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