[personal profile] bitchy_merlin



Stop,
stop, how can you say that, how can you use such cheerful words,
yellow, yellow even on a black background, how can you smile at me when I
am wearing black, when I have worn
black for three days, how is this something you can tolerate? What is my
purpose, what is my worth, I have failed in the most egregious manner. I
need no scarlet A to convict me, for the guilt pollutes my soul, is
etched onto my bones, and when I die and they
cut out my heart under the microscope, they will find it written there
as well. Youth, now, what is youth, joy now what is joy, there is no
place in me now for such frivolous things. I am an old woman, aged,
lined and scarred, my fingertips bleed with every
breath I labour to draw. Darkness dogs my steps; my shadow strangles me
silently, the cold wind pierces my lungs, but I don’t feel a thing.

Soaked
in sweat, I wake – no I don’t because this is my life, this is real,
happening, the consummation of my existence. Tell me now, tell me the
reasons, I am a whirlwind dying.
Trash and bits of leaves falling uselessly to the ground. Sweep me under
the rug, under the sky, forget about me, I did not belong here. Do not
whisper my name. Do not remember.

I’m
sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m not sorry at all. Yes I am, God, this is not a
stain on my hands, not a damned spot, it is my very skin, blood, bones,
it will never come off. I’m
so sorry, though it was not preventable through any actions of my own,
not through any I knew how to take. My breath is gone, my gaze is weak,
my blood cools in my veins – I give myself over to you. Take me, take
this in his stead. My world is cold, I am a
husk, shell, frayed carpet underfoot. Leave me, take my breath, may it
give life to your memories of him, glowing in the darkness.

I close my eyes; may you open yours to him.
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

bitchy_merlin

March 2017

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
1213 1415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 24th, 2017 03:28 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios