[personal profile] bitchy_merlin


Liveblogging from the Schiphol Airport bathrooms cause it doesn't get much classier than this. (I just spent the night not getting a wink of sleep on the selfsame tile floors... #firstclass)

I am leaving for Canada in one hour. I still can't even deal with this, and I've spent the whole damn night contemplating it. I don't want things to go back to the way they were when I left. I don't want to return to being bitter and rigid and ashamed. I've learned so much, it would be beyond cruel to negate that now.

AND THESE FEELS. I never knew what it felt like to miss someone before. Now? ALL OF ALBERTINE, COME BACK TO ME. I seriously thought my heart would stop beating when I said goodbye to Hanna last night at Amsterdam Centraal. I'm going to die! I gasped into her ear as we hugged desperately on the platform. I couldn't think of anything else to say; that was the honest truth. I really felt like I might perish of grief. I've never felt that way before, not even when I left for Kingston for the first time and had to say goodbye to Chloe and Michelle. It was - it still is - a physical ache, and my mind is swamped with vertigo. The notion that I won't see Hanna for who knows how long... it just does not compute.

When I left Pavol after Queen's Day, I felt as if I were being smacked in the face repeatedly with a giant fish. When Hanna and I parted, I thought maybe my heart would just fall out of my chest: here, take it, I don't need it anymore.

Oh, I can't believe I'm going back! I don't know what to think! For the past two nights, while I was in Izmir with Gokcen, I had nightmares about today. I kept dreaming about just... not getting on the plane. I physically couldn't make myself do it.

I could really go for some unanesthetized cardiectomy right now. It would surely be the kinder option. The worst part of friendship is goodbye.

From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

bitchy_merlin

March 2017

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
1213 1415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 24th, 2017 03:38 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios